


Secrets

by puppypopcornpizza



Series: Cullen x Aedra Secrets!AU [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Spy Setting, Angst, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Haven (Dragon Age), Lyrium Addiction, Lyrium Withdrawal, M/M, Minor Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, POV Cullen Rutherford, POV Inquisitor, Red Lyrium, Red Templars, Spy Cullen Rutherford, Spy Inquisition
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-09-27 18:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10037369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppypopcornpizza/pseuds/puppypopcornpizza
Summary: A modern!AU where the Inquisition is a spy agency, Aedra works in a coffee shop, Cullen secretly works for the spy agency "The Inquisition." Bundles of fun, really.





	1. Meeting

He walked along the sidewalk, passing stores, businesses and other buildings alike, Cullen tuned all his surrounding out as he wandered down the street, staring down at his phone.

He’d been expecting a call from Cassandra, “ _an important meeting”_  she said, well if it was so important, then why wasn’t she calling back?

He shook the thought from his mind and shoved his phone into his dark brown leather jacket. It was close to Satinalia in Haven, and with the town being so cold already, he felt like he’d freeze if he didn’t keep moving.

Cullen carried on walking until he passed what seemed to be a small coffee shop, the windows were large and the name of the small shop was spelled out in elegant looking golden script, _The Heralds Rest_. 

He peered in through the window, there were only two people inside, an elf with a tattered red sweater on, and a dwarf with a faded red button up shirt – which seemed to only have been buttoned up halfway. They both sat at a table talking with one another.

Cullen considered walking away, but the cold made him think otherwise. He placed his hand on the door handle, it was cold to the touch and he instantly regretted not wearing gloves that day. He opened the door, and the bell above the door made a small “tinkle” sound, which drew the dwarf’s attention, his eyes widened slightly before his expression turned back to normal, he gave Cullen a glance before returning to his conversation with the elf. Cullen thought for a moment, _he seems so familiar…_ He thought to himself.

He walked up to the counter, the smell of coffee hitting him instantly as he took his first few steps into the shop, the counter was empty so he rung the small bell on the table. Moments passed before an elven woman appeared in the doorway on his left, she held a tray in her hand with two cups and a very large cookie on it.

“Oh, hi!” She smiled sweetly, walking from the doorway to the small opening by the counter on his right. “One moment please.” She walked past him to the table with the elf and the dwarf. 

“Sera, one hot chocolate and a cookie.” She said to the elf, “And Varric, one black,” she smiled, “all the way from Kirkwall, just how you like it.”

 _Varric, that can’t be him. Is it him?_  Cullen wondered as he went to sit down at one of the vacant tables.

“Ah, Songbird,” Varric responded, “what would I do without you.” 

“You wouldn’t have coffee all the way from Kirkwall,” She retorted, grinning at the dwarf. “Anything else you two need?” 

“We’re good…” Varric trailed off, watching Sera wolf down the cookie, “I think.”

“Call if you need anything.” She called back, walking over to the table that Cullen was sitting at.

“Welcome to The Heralds Rest, I’m Aedra.” She greeted Cullen, looking down, flipping through the notepad in her hand. “How may I help you? We’ve a special on…” She trailed off as she looked up at him, his attention drawn to the phone in his hand. She cleared her throat.

His attention snapped to her, the scowl on his face disappearing, “Oh, I’m so sorry!” He apologized, stuffing the phone back into his jean pocket. “Expecting an important call,” His voice turning to a mumble. “though apparently _she_ doesn’t think so.”

“Oh having lady problems, are we?” She asked.

“Wha- Nononono,” His cheeks darkening at the thought. Him and Cassandra? No that wouldn’t work. “She’s a… work colleague, nothing going on there.” 

“It’s only seven in the morning,” She pointed out, “I’m sure she’ll call back soon.” She was silent for a moment before she apologized, “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t–”

“No, it’s fine.” He cut her off, “It’s nice talking to someone _other_ than my colleagues.”

“I never expected someone so handso- I mean I never expected someone like-like _you_ to have problems like, um…” She trailed off, a pink tint appearing on her cheeks. 

“So that special you were talking about?” He said, changing the subject. The pink on his cheeks matching hers.

“Right.” She said, “Right, on Tuesdays, all coffee is half off.” she explained, rolling and unrolling the notepad in her hands.

He scanned over the menu for a moment before speaking, “I’ll have a cappuccino.” he said. “Please.”

“Cappuccino,” She repeated, “huh. Alright then.”

“Something wrong?”

“No, no.” She answered, “Just didn’t expect you to be a cappuccino kind of guy.” She tapped the pen to her mouth, “More of a “plain coffee” kind of guy. Maybe a “plain coffee with cream” kind of guy if you’re feeling good that day.”

“Well, how do you know that I’m not trying something new?” He smirked at her.

“Hm,” She smiled, “suppose I don’t.”

* * *

Cullen left the coffee shop an hour later with, what he thought, was the stupidest grin on his face. After Aedra had gotten him his order, they spoke even more. There was just something about her that made him feel so relaxed, even though he’d just met her, they spoke like they’d known each other for years.

Just then, his phone buzzed in his pocket, a text from Cassandra. Stopping in his tracks as he read over the words on the screen, the grin on his face dropping instantly.

**_(08:10.a.m) Sorry for the delay, meet me at the Chantry ASAP._  
**

_(08:11.a.m) Did something happen? Is something wrong?_

He quickly typed the words as he walked, nerves rising the longer he waited. 

_**(08:13.a.m) Stop by at Leliana’s too, she’s not answering my calls or texts.** _

_(08:13.a.m) Cassandra. What. Is. Wrong._

_**(08:15.a.m) Be here by 10.** _

Cullen let out a frustrated sigh and stuffed the phone into his jacket. He hoped that this wasn’t serious, though Cassandra would never pull a stunt like this, and why the Chantry? He thought about calling the police, what if she’s in serious trouble. No, that’s not like Cassandra.

He thought for a moment and, with a defeated sigh, he made his way to the train station.

_Today was going to be a long day._


	2. The Inquisition

 

She wiped the tables and gathered the discarded napkins, cups and saucers. She washed the dishes and packed them away, singing a tune to herself while doing so.

Just then, Aedra’s phone buzzed in her jean pocket. 

_**(08:02 p.m.) Songbird, thought we were catching drinks with Tiny, Sparkler and Buttercup when you got off. Where are you?** _

_(08:02 p.m.) Sorry, completely slipped my mind. I’ll be there in ten._

_**(08:03 p.m.) You sure you’re sudden memory loss isn’t ‘cause of that guy you were talking to when we left? He seemed to have been very interested in talking to you.** _

_(08:03 p.m.) What are you talking about? It was just a conversation._

When he didn’t answer, she stuffed the phone back into her pocket and finished with the dishes. When the dishes were washed, dried and packed away, she removed the apron from around her waist and packed it away under the front counter.

She turned all the lights off and grabbed her jacket from the stand next to the door, then her phone buzzed again.

_**(08:20 p.m.) He’s a nice guy, I think you two’d hit it off.** _

_(08:20 p.m.) Oh, so you know him?_

_**(08:21 p.m.) We’ll talk more when you finally leave that coffee shop and get your ass to The Singing Maiden.** _

 

”We’re definitely gonna talk when I get there.” She mumbled to herself as she made her way outside to lock the doors.

Aedra loved the cold, she loved the smell of the crisp air and the goosebumps she got when she first stepped outside. Growing up with an aunt that travelled a lot, didn’t give her the chance to actually _enjoy_ the seasons and weather. Now that she lived on her own, she’d discovered that she detested the heat and Summer because she burned easily. And that she loved the cold because it reminded her of when she was travelling with her aunt, the snow reminded her of the snowball fights, and cool air made her think of the nights that they went camping.

She missed those days. 

When everything was locked up, she made her way to the train station.

* * *

When Cullen arrived at the Chantry with Leliana, he found Cassandra waiting for them at the door. The looks that the two woman were giving him made him feel like he was a little boy who’d just gotten into trouble.

“So what’s all this about?” He asked as all three of them walked into the Chantry, only when they were inside a room at the end of the large hall did Leliana answer. 

“Cullen, did you…” She trailed off, as if forgetting what to say.

“You were a Templar?” Cassandra chimed in, the look that Leliana gave her made Cullen think that she was about to stab the woman.

“Tactfully put, Cassandra.”

Cullen swallowed, why would they want to know about him being a Templar? He hated talking about it, he felt that it branded him a killer, an addict, a _murderer_.

“Why would you want to know such a thing?” He asked nervously, he watched as Cassandra and Leliana walked around the large table in the middle of the room, Cassandra to his right and Leliana to his left. He watched Leliana press a button, and a projector lowered from the ceiling, projecting a map of what looked like Ferelden and Orlais onto the large table.

With a few steps, he was at the table, watching the map projected onto it. The way it was set up, the map, the secretive room in plain sight, it all seemed too familiar. 

Then realization dawned on him. 

“You want me to be a spy again.” He said quietly, more to himself than to the two woman standing either side of him.

“It’s the Templars.” Cassandra explained, “They are drugging their spies with an abnormal substance.” She gave him a sympathetic look. “It worsened when you left the agency.”

“We need someone who knows how the Templars work,” Leliana spoke up. “we tried going to your friend, Samson, first, but he has already been…’corrupted’.” 

“Oh.” He said, it was all he could say. He left the Templars because he saw the way they treated people, _civilians_. He didn’t want anything to do with spies after he left, he got rid of the badge, the weapons, everything that was connected to them. That was four years ago, everything that connected him to being a Templar was gone, but the nightmares stayed. The nightmares where he was still a Templar, hurting innocents, taking lyrium. He tried not to think of it, but in a big apartment all by himself, his mind tended to wander. 

“Cullen, we need you.” Cassandra pleaded. “With you, we can protect people, maybe even take down the Templars.”

“’We’?” He asked. “Just you and Leliana?”

“The Inquisition.” Leliana handed him a thick, old looking book. He took it and examined it more closely. On the front of the book, there was a symbol, Chantry? But the Chanty’s symbol didn’t have an eye in the middle. He ran his fingers over the sides and looked up at Leliana.

“What is this?” He asked, laying the book down on the table.

“A writ,” Cassandra said. “It gives us the authority to act against those who do wrong.”

“But this thing looks like it’s hundreds of years old.” He pointed out, gesturing to the book.

“It is.” Leliana began. “But even so, we still have the authority.” 

“Say I accept, I’m just an agent. How am I supposed to help?” 

“You won’t be an agent, you’ll be the Commander.”

“You’re joking.”

“I am not,” Leliana answered.

”Regulations?” He asked.

“Similar to any agency,” Cassandra explained. “You’ll get the hang of it.”

Cullen thought for a moment before speaking. Was he going to do this? Go back to all the high tech equipment and the secrets? This “Inquisition” didn’t seem all bad, he’d known both Leliana and Cassandra for a few years now and if they were convinced the agency could do good… maybe it can. 

“I’ll join.”


	3. 1B21

The small bar bustled with life, from the group of dwarves chanting at the bar to the small crowd of people watching sport on the TV mounted to the wall. And, at a small window booth, sat Aedra, Bull, Varric and Dorian.

“You’re mad!”

“He’s a charming man, you two would be adorable together.”

“Dorian. I am not going on a blind date.” 

“But-”

“ _No._ ”

Aedra gave Dorian a stern look. He’d being doing this for two years now, trying to find her the perfect match. She appreciated the thought, but sometimes his meddling got a little out of hand. 

“Give the man a chance, Songbird.” Varric took a swig from the contents of his glass, watching Aedra with an amused expression when she gave him the same, stern look.

“Listen.” Aedra began, turning to speak to the group. “I love you guys, I do. But all of you intervening in my love life is _not_ OK.” She looked at Varric and Dorian specifically.

The two men began at the same time.

“I am not intervening!”

“C’mon Songbird!”

“You gotta look at where they’re coming from, Aedra.” Bull cut in, leaning forward in the booth from his outstretched position. “They’re tryin’ to help, you’ve been single for what? Three years now?” 

“I-”

“I know that you hate us meddling.” Dorian cut her off, reaching for her hand across the table. “But you have to understand that we want to see you happy.”

“I am happy.” 

“Alright, we want you to be _more_ happy.”

“Dorian, I’m fine.” She assured, squeezing his hand and flashing him a small smile as if to prove her point. “I’m happy alone, I don’t need anyone else.”

With a sigh, he released her hand and leaned back in his seat.

“Are you sure you’re not Ferelden?” He asked with a chuckle. “Because you’re stubborn like one.”

Bull and Varric agreed in unison.

Aedra chuckled. “Alright, alright.” She laughed, also leaning back in her seat. “I’ll give you that one.”

“Oh, and she admits it!” Bull laughed and put his arm around Dorian, who was sitting next to him. 

They chatted on for a bit, laughing about relationships and drinking until they couldn’t see straight. Well actually, Dorian drank until he couldn’t see straight. 

“Where’s Sera?” Aedra asked, taking a sip from the bottle in front of her. 

“Off doing things that Sera does,” Varric answered.

“Yeah, I’m gonna leave before I find out what those ‘things’ are.” Aedra stood from her seat and stretched.

“Aww not even a little bit longer?” Dorian slurred. “I’ve got a-” He hiccuped. “I’ve got a-” He hiccuped again. 

“You’ve gotta take a nap.” She grinned.  

“See you tomorrow, Songbird.” 

“Yeah, don’t do anything crazy without us.” Bull joked.

“I should be saying that to you.” She laughed. “See you!”

All three said their goodbyes to her as she walked towards the door. She grabbed her jacket and made her way outside, the cold air hitting her instantly.

She made her way down the street, and towards the train station. She watched store owners lock up for the night, and how the streetlights illuminated the road and sidewalk. 

When she reached the station, she bought a ticket and waited for the train. 

“1B21.” She said to herself while going to sit down on a bench. “Alright then.”

* * *

He walked with his hands stuffed into his pockets, occasionally glancing up to check the street. Cullen walked as fast as he could, he needed to get home. Clear his head, maybe get a drink. 

As he walked, he spotted a familiar sign.

Haven Downtown Station. 

He quickly made his way inside, and down the stairs. Happy that he’d missed the ten o’clock rush hour, he went to buy a coffee from the stall that would normally be swarming with people. While waiting for his coffee, he went to buy a ticket as well. While he waited, he checked his phone for any messages.

_**(10:13 p.m.) Cully! How are you? South Reach misses it favourite baseball player. Come visit sometime, Branson’s wife should be popping out a surprise in the next few days too!** _

_**I shouldn’t have said that, don’t tell Branson I said that.** _

_**-Mia** _

Cullen only sighed and stuffed his phone back into his pocket. He’d been wanting to visit for months now, he planned to go this weekend but with everything between the Templars and him being a spy again… he just couldn’t. Maybe next weekend? 

Cullen got his ticket and made his way to the stall to collect his coffee. As he walked, he read over the ticket.

_1B21_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are inaccuracies in this about trains, I am very sorry for I have not been on a train in almost ten years.


	4. Cappuccino

Finding a seat hadn’t been that difficult for Cullen, with only a handful of people on the train he could have chosen virtually any seat. He opted for the one closest to the door, making him feel somewhat more free than any of the other seats on the train. 

He leaned back in the seat, taking deep breaths. Today had been chaotic – the news from Cassandra, his sister trying to contact him, that woman at the coffee shop. What was her name again? Aedra?

He snapped his attention to his phone as it started buzzing.

“Still on that phone, are we?” He looked up from the phone to find Aedra standing there, the brightest smile on her face

He returned the smile and gestured for her to sit next to him.

“Thanks.” She removed the backpack, sat down next to him, and placed the backpack on her lap.

They sat in a pregnant silence while waiting for the train to start moving. Cullen occasionally glancing up from his phone to look at her.

She had her hands draped over the bag while she hummed a tune softly to herself. Her hair was pulled into a messy bun, with a few wisps escaping. From her profile, he could make out some of the tattoo on her face – green, and it looked as if it resembled the roots from a tree. What were they called? Vallaslin? He noticed the slash across her eye, how did she get it? No, she’s a stranger. He shouldn’t want to know about her, but…

She looked to him with kind eyes and a small smile on her lips. Cullen felt heat rush to his cheeks as they locked eyes. Emerald – her eyes were an emerald color, similar to her vallaslin.

“Hi.” She cooed, he was sure the pink tint on his face was red by now.

“Hi.” He awkwardly smiled at her, trying to hide his shyness.

“I don’t believe we’ve properly met, Cappuccino.”

He grinned at her, regaining some of his confidence. “Cappuccino?” He joked. “You remember my order, but not my name?”

“In my defense,” She countered. “I did make a fool of myself when I introduced myself.”

He gave a short laugh. It was nice knowing that someone as beautiful as she was, was as equally awkward as he was. Wait, beautiful? Well, she was beautiful and… No, it’d be wrong.

“I could make a fool of _myself_ , then we could be even.”

“I fail to see how that would ever happen.”

“You’d be surprised.” 

They both snickered before falling back into silence. The only sounds that were heard were a couple talking softly, and the sounds of the train.

When the train came to a stop, they both stood to leave. Cullen shifting in place while he waited for Aedra to put her backpack on. 

“Your stop too?” She asked while looping her thumbs in the straps of the bag.

“It is.” He brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck, the pink returning to his cheeks for what he was about to say. “I-I can walk you, if you’d like?” He stammered. “I mean… I-It’s late and…”

“Sure.”

“Sure?”

“Yes ‘sure’” She giggled. “Now c’mon, Cappuccino. It’s snowing outside and I don’t want to miss it.”

Cullen stopped her. “We could at least have a proper introduction first.” He held out his hand for her to shake it. She glanced at his hand, then looked up at him and smiled, shaking his hand.

“Aedra Lavellan.” 

“Cullen Rutherford.”

* * *

The air was cold as they walked down the street – side by side. Snow fell lightly around them, and the streetlights illuminated their path. 

Cullen had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his leather jacket, he glanced at Aedra and wished he’d remembered his gloves like she had. 

“This is me.” She stopped in front of an apartment building with neatly trimmed hedges and greenery surrounding it. The bricks were bare, but it added a certain charm to the building.

“Thanks for walking me.” She shuffled in place. “See you around, Cappuccino?” 

He watched her unlock the gate, and walk halfway in. He gave her a small smile, which she returned.

“See you around.” 


	5. Scars

The light shone through the sheer curtains, making Aedra groan and pull the covers over her head to block out the light. The drinks she had with Varric had been fun, but the throbbing she felt in her head, _that_ was not fun.

The phone on her nightstand began buzzing – she winced at the sound, pulling the covers higher over her head, and curling up into a ball.

“Hrmph, just let me die in peace.” She groaned more when the phone stopped, then started buzzing again. 

She sighed, threw the covers to the side and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

“Alright.” She reached for the phone. “I’m up.”

She yawned and wiped her eyes before turning the alarm on her phone off. She checked the time — almost eleven. She put her arms in the air and stretched, yawning again while doing so. 

She stood and made her way across her bedroom to the bathroom, leaving her phone on the vanity next to the bathroom door.  Inside the bathroom, she used the toilet, had a shower and brushed her teeth. Taking longer than usual to apply her makeup, because of the thoughts that began to run through her head.

_Cullen._

She liked him, yes. He seemed like a nice enough man, at times too nice for her liking, but nice nonetheless. Her mind kept wandering back to what happened on the train — he was staring at her, _staring._ She pretended not to notice, and just smiled at him. But the way he was staring, almost as if he were studying her, it made her feel a bit on edge. 

But then again, he could have just been staring at her scars. She’s had people ask about them before, she always tried changing the subject, trying to avoid telling them that it was from her own stupidity. She touched the slash across her eye, memories of the incident flooded back into her mind as her fingers touched the grooves on her cheek.

She still remembered the night clearly. She was 14 — on one of the many trips she had with her aunt. They were in a camper in the Brecilian Forest, the middle of the night when sounds started coming from the door. Two men rushed in while both Aedra and her aunt were still in their beds, the men shouted things to one another while they raided the small camper. Her aunt told her to stay put, to not move a muscle so the two men wouldn’t think anyone was in the camper.

She didn’t listen. 

Gripping the baseball bat she left next to her bed from playing that day, she jumped out of the bed and started swinging, not caring what she hit in front of her. She heard shouts from her aunt behind her, the men easily dodged her attacks. Almost instantly after she started swinging the bat, she dropped it as one of the men picked her up off the ground, holding a knife to her throat as the other man went to grab her aunt.

Her aunt struggled, but the man still managed to drag her out of the bed. While the man had his back to her, she managed to catch a glance of the symbol on the back of his jacket. A sword facing downwards, with what seemed to be small flames coming from it. 

While the man had his back to her, she tried headbutting the one holding her, he loosened his grip on her but he stumbled back and cut her across her eye in the process, resulting in the scar she now wore on her face. 

Luckily there were people outside having a small party, they heard the commotion and called the police. They arrived just after the knife was slashed across her eye and were taken away in a police van.One of the officers saw that Aedra was wounded and called an ambulance. She didn’t remember much after that, only that there was a lot of blood and stitches.

A knocking on her apartment door snapped her from her flashback. She quickly made her way out of the bathroom and searched around her bedroom for something decent, she settled for a tank top and some skinny jeans and tried to make her damp hair look somewhat presentable as she walked over to the door.

When she opened the door, she was greeted by a very annoyed looking Josephine.

“G’morning Josie.” Aedra smiled at her, Josephine’s only response was her pushing through Aedra to get into the apartment.

“’Oh, good morning Aedra. Lovely day isn’t it?’” Aedra playfully mocked, turning to the Antivan.

“It’s almost noon, Aedra.” She glared at Aedra.

“I know, so?”

“You were to meet me at Leliana’s, _two hours ago_.” Aedra watched her with a confused expression before realization dawned on her. She was supposed to help with the planning of the Santalia party that would happen in a week. Josephine had made plans that the three of them would meet at Leliana’s penthouse so they could talk about the party. Maker, if _Josephine_  was this angry, how would Leliana react? 

“Josie.” Aedra spoke in an apologetic tone. “I am _so_ sorry, I-I went drinking with Varric last night, then there was this guy that I met on the train and we talked and I just lost track–”

“I should have known that it was Varric, he always…” She trailed off, a smirk spreading across the Antivan’s lips. “You met someone?”

“Andraste’s ass, not you too.”

“ _What?_ ” She asked, the smirk still on her lips. “I did not say anything.”

“You didn’t have to, it’s all over that smug face of yours.” Aedra laughed, playfully pointing at Josephine. The other woman smiled at her, pushing Aedra’s hand away and holding it in hers.

“Aedra.” Josephine smiled at Aedra, squeezing her hand.

“Josephine.” Aedra kept her tone even. 

“You’re going to have to–” She knew where Josephine was going with this, she knew that she’d say that Aedra would need to find someone. Varric, Dorian, Bull, they’ve all told her the same thing for months now. She knew that they were trying to help, but lately it’s been getting very tedious. 

“I know what you’re going to say, you’re going to say that I have to ’settle down someday’ or even ‘I won’t be young forever’” Aedra cut her off, a slight hint of annoyance in her tone. “I’ve heard it before Josie, you don’t have to repeat what I’ve already heard.” She let go of Josephine’s hand and went to go sit on the stool at the kitchen counter.

“Aedra, I wasn’t trying to imply–” _I know you weren’t, I’m being an ass._

“I know Josie, I’m sorry.” She sighed and stood to start pacing the kitchen. “It’s just… I’m tired of people constantly telling me to settle down. I’ll find someone when I’m ready, I don’t need you reminding me that I’m single.” The annoyance in her voice rose. “I’m happy this way, I’m…” She trailed off to look at Josephine, who was listening intently. But that was Josie, she always listened, always had the right advice, the right words to say.

“This isn’t about your relationships, is it?” Of course she knew, why wouldn’t Josie know?

Aedra looked at Josephine, then down at her bare feet. “No.” She spoke quietly. “No, I suppose it isn’t.”

Josephine walked over to Aedra and placed her hand on Aedra’s shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.”What is bothering you?”

She looked up at Josephine. “What’s the first thing you notice when you look at me?” She tried to erase all the bitterness and annoyance from her tone. “My eyes? Lips? The Valaslin maybe? No, it’s scars. Big, ugly, gnarly looking scars. Scars that make me look like a freak.” The scars didn’t bother her before, but after what happened last night – the stare that Cullen was giving her. She thought that he’d at least look past the scars, considering that he had one of his own, she didn’t want to jump to conclusions but it seemed as if that was what she was doing, didn’t it? 

She could feel a small sting in her eyes and looked away from Josephine.

“Aedra.” Josephine spoke softly and pulled Aedra into a hug. “You’re a beautiful woman. You have a beautiful personality, and a loving heart-” Of course Josie would shower her with compliments, she always did that when a person was down. Shower them in compliments. 

“Josie I love you,” She let go of the embrace after a bit, sniffing and wiping away the tears that were starting to form in her eyes. “but if you don’t stop with the compliments, I’m going to get cocky.” 

“Ah, and we would not want that now, would we?” Josephine retorted, she watched with a confused expression as Aedra made her way around the living room, looking under cushions and pillows, Josephine had gotten used to Aedra’s unorganized apartment in the year that they’ve known each other. She waited for a bit before Aedra returned to the kitchen wearing combat boots and a slightly over-sized hoodie.

“You’ve something planned for the day?” Josephine asked as Aedra grabbed her backpack from the clothes rack by the door, and walked back with a grin on her face.

“ _We’ve_ got something planned, c’mon.”

Josephine followed her out the door, down the stairs, and across the ground floor. Only when they were outside in the cold, did Aedra finally speak again.

“Today’s a beautiful day, we’re not spending it in that apartment filled with sorrow and alcohol.” She pulled her hood over her face, as if she were hiding it.

“It’s _snowing_.” Josephine laughed, using her purse to cover her hair.

“Exactly.” And with that, Josephine was pulled towards the direction of her car – completely unaware of what her friend would be getting her into that day.

* * *

_Punch._

Cullen felt the sweat trickle down his bare back as he swung his fists at the punching bag in front of him – dodging imaginary punches and moving as if he were in an actual fight.

_One-two. Dodge._

He lost track of the time, being woken because of a nightmare a few hours earlier had him up for a while now. Usually he’d just try to fall asleep again with the help of some medication. But this time was different, this time he felt like he needed to be up, doing something. 

_Block. Duck._

It wasn’t like he was _always_ this restless, it’s just that the recent events had left him very uneasy.

The thought of him being a spy again –  _Maker,_ it made his head spin. It’d been two years since he left the Templars, a year and a half since he’d last taken lyrium. 

 _The lyrium._ Every Templar was to take it, it was a horrible powder drug that seemed to give off a blue glow if you looked at it too long, it was addictive, and the withdrawals were like torture. Templars were to take in either powder or pill form, _to enhance their abilities,_  he remembered the words that the mentor told the new “recruits”. It sickened him, thinking – _knowing_ what they did to people.

One would think it a military and not a spy agency if they were to see it at first glance. They were stocked like an army – tanks, jeeps, heavy weapons, you name it. The spies were also trained like soldiers, he sometimes wondered if it were for the protection of someone with a higher power in the agency. 

He stopped his assault on the punching bag and grabbed a towel from the chair against the wall, making his way to the kitchen to get a drink of water. He checked the time on his phone while he walked to the fridge – 11:27 a.m. He mentally counted the hours since he awoke from the nightmare, he’d only gotten four hours of sleep. He thought about going back to bed, but decided against it, knowing that either Leliana or Cassandra would likely need him.

When he was done drinking water, he made his way to the bathroom for a shower, thinking about the previous night’s events. Or rather, thinking about a person. 

_Aedra._

She seemed to be a very cheery person, the way she always smiled and quipped. Very demanding yet quite… beautiful, and what was that nickname she gave him? ‘Cappuccino’? It seems a ridiculous nickname considering that he didn’t even _drink_ coffee that often. 

He got out of the shower, dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist. He walked over to his closet to find something suitable for the day, he settled for some jeans and a plain t-shirt with some sneakers, he also pulled a deep red hoodie on so he wouldn’t freeze to death in the cold.

Once he was dressed, he grabbed his keys and phone and left the apartment to get to the garage. Inside the garage, he unlocked his car and got in.

He thought for a moment, thinking about going to see Aedra again, but decided against it.

With a sigh, he started the car and drove out the garage, deciding that he’d go see Cassandra to see if she had anything for him to do. 


	6. Inspiration

They passed storefronts covered in thin layers of snow, Aedra practically _dragged_ Josephine down the sidewalk because of the excitement bubbling inside her.

“Aedra.” Josephine said breathlessly. She was fit – but unlike Aedra, she didn’t have time to go running as often as the elf. “Where are we going, you have been dragging me for two blocks. And why did we leave the car? We could have–”

“Stop whining!” Aedra laughed. “We’re almost there.” Aedra knew Josephine would disapprove if she’d told her. Aedra had planned to take Josephine to her favorite bakery and buy her one of her most favorite treats as an apology for being late that morning. But if she were to tell Josie, she knew that she’d make a fuss over the price of them, so she acted coy when Josephine asked her. 

“ _Where?_ ” 

Right after Josephine asked the question, Aedra came to a sudden halt. 

“Cullen?”

* * *

Cullen had received a call from Cassandra on his way to the Chantry, for them to meet at Leliana’s at 12 – they were to explain the ropes and refresh him a bit on being a spy. 

He also received another text from his sister, she informed him that their brother, Branson, would soon be a father. 

Maker, Branson a father? He still remembered his brother running around with dirt on his cheeks and scraps on his knees. Thinking of him as a father made Cullen feel an equal amount of joy and embarrassment for the child,  embarrassment because he knew his brother with all the horrible jokes he’d always tell before Cullen became a spy and left for training.  

When he pulled up outside of the large building where he was to meet Cassandra, he checked his phone for the time – 11:48 a.m.

Cullen got out the car and locked it, only walking away once he heard the alarm sound. Leliana wouldn’t mind if he showed up ten minutes early, right? 

He walked through the doors into reception, Maker this place was _huge_. There was a high ceiling with a crystal looking chandelier hanging from it, there were doormen at the entrance and the security looked as if they were everywhere. Well to Cullen it did, to a normal civilian it just looked as if there were one too many room attendants or housekeepers. 

This place was huge, _grand_. It was…

Perfect for a spy. 

He smiled to himself as he made his way to the elevator. This was the most secure place in Haven, of course Leliana would set up here. Behind each of these doors, there was a secret. Someone plotting some type of revenge or retribution, and she knew it all. Every single secret. 

The elevator stopped on Leliana’s floor, and Cullen made his way down the hall. He came to a halt when he saw both Leliana and Cassandra making their way towards him.

“We were just coming down to see you.” said Cassandra, motioning for Cullen to follow them. 

“I see you haven’t changed, still arriving an hour before the party?” Leliana joked and playfully jabbed Cullen in the side.

“Well,” Cullen chuckled. “old habits die hard.” 

“They do indeed.” 

They carried on walking in silence, Leliana led them to the garage of the building, stopping at a black convertible. 

“Cullen.” Leliana made her way to the driver’s side of the car, unlocking it. “I assume you got here in your sedan?” He nodded his head and she continued. “Good, Cassandra will explain where the two of you need to go. I will meet the both of you at the Chantry.” 

“You won’t be assassinating anyone, I hope?” Cullen was half joking and half serious. He didn’t fear the woman, but there were times… 

“No need to worry about me, just do what you have to.” And with that, she opened the door to the car and climbed in. The sound of the engine coming to life echoed throughout the garage, and Cullen watched as it drove off.

Cullen stood there with a confused expression, completely forgetting about Cassandra next to him. 

“Well!” her voice snapped him from his thoughts. “We’ve a busy day, and I am expected to introduce you to someone.” She said as they made their way back to reception and out onto the street. 

He arched a brow at her. “Who will I be meeting? A famed assassin?” He unlocked his car. “Oh, a crime lord turned spy?” 

Cassandra had a small smile on her lips. “Since when do you joke about such things?” She got in the passenger seat of the car while Cullen got in the driver’s seat. “Last I recall, you found jokes a waste of time.” 

“I’ve had a bit of… inspiration.” 

“Mhm hmm.” 

* * *

They had pulled up to a very familiar looking building. What were they doing at Aedra’s apartment? Could she be…? No. No, that wouldn’t be possible. But… He hoped not, Aedra didn’t seem the sort to be involved in such things. She was sweet and funny and… Makers breath, he’d only met her the night before, how could he already be this protective of her. Perhaps it was because he knew the pressure of the life, and didn’t want her to have that burden. 

He waited in the car for a bit, nerves beginning to stir inside him. He hoped that she wasn’t a spy, but that would explain the slashes on her face. Relief flooded through him when he saw Cassandra walk towards the car alone. 

“She isn’t here.” Cassandra’s tone held a hint of annoyance. “They must have left before we arrived.”

“’They’?” 

“Yes ‘they’. Only one is a spy.” _Maker please don’t let it be Aedra_. 

“Is… Is she an elf? A green vallaslin on her cheeks with a slash across her eye?” 

Cassandra watched him with a thoughtful expression. “That’s her friend, Aedra. You are going to meet an Antivan. Dark hair. Could most likely make you bankrupt with a sentence.” _Thank Andraste_. 

“Oh, where to next?” 

“Main shopping district.” She watched him for a bit as he put the car into gear, and it began moving. Why would Cullen be asking about Aedra? Do they know each other? Realizing that her thoughts seemed very intrusive, she looked out the window to her side and waited until they arrived at their destination. 

When they reached the shopping district of the city, Cassandra had told them to continue on foot. Cullen was slightly perplexed, but he followed. 

He walked beside Cassandra, they crossed the street and waited outside a bakery. 

“Did she say she’d be here?” He watched her furrow her brow at her phone before shoving it back into her back jean pocket. 

“She suspects so, ye–”

“Cullen?”

Aedra’s voice caused Cullen to spin around to the source. 

“Aedra!” He realized he sounded slightly overly excited, so he cleared his throat. “Um, I didn’t expect to see you… here.” 

A small smile graced her lips. “Likewise, Cappuccino.” 

Cassandra and Josephine shared a knowing look. “You two have met?” Josephine spoke up behind Aedra. 

“I believe today is our… second day of knowing each other.” Aedra joked. “Oh how the time flies, it seems like just yesterday I was making a fool of myself as Varric and Sera watched the whole show.” 

Cullen smiled at her, how did she do that? With just a few words, she made him feel practically ecstatic. “Those were the days, weren’t they?” 

“Good times.” 

Cassandra cleared her throat, and they all drew their attention to her. “Excuse me, but I do believe we need to steal Josephine for the day.”

Aedra’s smile faltered slightly but didn’t fall. “Josie’s a busy woman, I completely understand.” 

Feeling sympathetic for her friend, Josephine put a hand on Aedra’s shoulder. “We’ll meet up again?” 

There was silence before Aedra answered. “Definitely. We are definitely meeting later.” A mischievous smile played on Aedra’s lips. “Wouldn’t want all those tiny cakes to go to waste.”

“Is that what you were planning?” Aedra would have thought Josephine was angry if it weren’t for the smile she wore. 

“If you’ll excuse me, I have a few purchases to make.” Aedra opened the door to the bakery. “So long, and don’t do anything crazy without me.” 

“Is she your inspiration?” Cassandra asked Cullen as the three of the made their way to Cullen’s car. 

“She might be.”


	7. May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent

_**One week later, two days before the Satinalia party.** _

Cullen flexed and un-flexed his hands over the steering wheel, a headache beginning to form between his eyes from the lack of sleep he had the night before thanks to his nightmares, one of the side effects of not taking Lyrium anymore.

He winced at the sounds of car horns and squinted at the brightness of the snow on the cars in front of him and on the road. With Satinalia being only a few days away, a lot of people were out buying last-minute presents, food or travelling to their families for the holidays. It was busy, packed, annoying and tedious.

Cullen hated it.

Not the holiday– no, he loved Satinalia, the food, the singing, it reminded him of home with his family. He still remembered how every year he’d get to see his cousins, aunts and uncles that he wouldn’t normally see other times of the year. He remembered the smell of peppermint and something warm, like bread or a roast. The smell comforted him then– it always has, the scent gave him a feeling of security and comfort like nothing else.

The car in front of him began moving forwards, and so did he. It was slow and monotonous but he just took that as the opportunity to slip back into his daydreams.

Cassandra had introduced him to Josephine when they were making their way back to Leliana’s apartment from the bakery. She was a lovely, charismatic woman who knew her way around the spy agencies across Ferelden and Orlais, and that impressed Cullen very much.

Cullen didn’t want to admit it, but he was beginning to love going to that coffee shop. The past week he’d been there almost every morning, each of those mornings he was greeted by a very witty barista, whom he’d spend most of his time there talking to.

He laughed at himself. How was he getting so  _attached_ to her so quickly? He’d met women like her before, in the Templars, back home in Honnleath, it’s not his first encounter, but somehow this just felt different. The way she smiled, that silly nickname she gave him, how she always tried to spread positivity around her. People like that were rare and it was nice to be around a person like her.

The cars had begun moving again and he carried on the freeway as he made his way to his destination, the Chantry.

* * *

“So you two have met?” Josephine asked as she watched Aedra wipe the counter and collect cups and plates from customers who had left. Josephine had visited her at work, just before her shift ended, to discuss decorations for the Satinalia party happening in only two days.

“Josie, I thought we were talking about garland and mantle pieces.” Aedra raised a brow at her friend and laughed at the little smirk that Josephine had on her face. 

“I am just curious, is all. The way you joked with each other, it looked as if you were friends.” Josephine took a sip of her tea.

Aedra carried on cleaning the counter, but with a small smile gracing her lips. She wasn’t wrong, Cullen and her did exchange quips with each other like they were close friends. She found it odd yet… comforting how they were so relaxed with each other, considering that she called him handsome and made an utter fool of herself when they’d first met a week back.

But she liked it, she could joke and embarrass herself and Cullen wouldn’t care. He was awkward himself, she noticed how he’d rub the back of his neck when he was unsure, or how a light pink tint would appear on his cheeks when he feared he’d embarrassed himself.

“… to protect you.” Aedra wore a confused expression, and Josephine only snickered.

“You were not even listening, daydreaming again?”

“Yeah, no… Um, carry on– You were saying something about protecting me? Wait, hold on.” She made her way to a table where a man with a forest green hoodie had just sat down, he had the hood over his head and an odd looking pendant hung from his neck. A jaw from an animal perhaps? At closer inspection, Josephine saw the inside of his jacket was lined with fur. He had pale skin and a strong chin, his lips were full and his nose almost looked as if it were snarling, the rest of his face was covered by shadows and the hood.

Josephine found it odd how he didn’t take his hood off, and rarely made eye contact with Aedra. When Aedra turned towards Josephine to walk back to the counter, her brows were furrowed as she finished writing the order on the notepad she held.

“Something wrong?” Josephine asked when Aedra was in earshot. She glanced up from the notepad, her brows still knitted together.

“No, just… odd. That was very odd.” She walked to the counter to fetch a cup and proceeded in making the stranger’s order.

Josephine looked towards him again, he looked very tense and constantly shifted in his seat. He kept glancing around him, as if looking for someone. He looked towards Josephine and she luckily had her phone in her hand, so she quickly looked down at her phone and pretended to use it, only then noting that she’d received a call from Leliana and a text from Cullen. She opened the text to find three messages from him.

_**(11:22 a.m.) I’m heading to the Chantry, Leliana said to tell you there’s a meeting at 12 and to not be late. See you there!** _

_**(11:38 a.m.) Just reminding you about the meeting, and Leliana said that gold garland should be used for the Satinalia party.** _

_**(11:50 a.m.) Josie, it’s Leliana. This meeting is extremely important and we need the ambassador here for it, please hurry.** _

Josephine’s eyes widened as she read the words. She had thought to only visit Aedra for a few minutes, not an entire hour. She cursed under her breath as she rummaged through her purse for money to pay for her tea.

In the time that Josephine had read her texts, had a minor panic attack, and rummaged through her purse, Aedra had finished the order to the stranger and served it to the man. She was now removing her apron and grabbing her things from under the counter.

“Need to be somewhere?” Josephine jumped at her words.

“Y-yes, I just need to be somewhere. Very quickly.” Aedra cocked her head. Josie didn’t stutter, she was the most eloquent person Aedra had ever met. Josephine _did not_ stutter. 

“I could come with if–”

“No! Nonono, you can’t.” Aedra had widened her eyes and was slack-mouthed. Something was very wrong, it wasn’t like Josephine to lash out or stumble over her words… what was wrong?

“Josie, what’s wrong?”

She saw Josie sling her purse over her shoulder, leave money on the table, and retrieve her phone and keys from the counter.

“I’m late.”

“Late for _what_?”

“I’ll see you soon.”

And with that, Aedra watched her friend walk out the shop, her mouth still slightly agape.

* * *

Cullen groaned as he fell on the bed, today had felt like it would never end. Josephine had arrived late and was all but interrogated by Cassandra and Leliana, and when they finally did begin the meeting, he was told about lyrium and the Grey Wardens– the Inquisition was attempting to co-operate with the Wardens as they were in need of aid, they wouldn’t even be able to come close to stopping the Templars without any aid from other agencies.

He shifted slightly and felt something prick him in his back pocket, he reached back to find the invitation he’d received from Josephine earlier that day.

He squinted as he tried to read the words on the page. Maybe Mia was right, maybe he did need to start wearing glasses.

He sat up and brought the invitation closer to the light, and squinted a bit more.

The gold script was swirly and delicate, green and red borders decorated the card, and Cullen could actually _feel_ how expensive the paper was.

With much difficulty, Cullen finally made out the words. The party would be smart casual, and happening on Friday, which was when Satinalia took place. The venue was Leliana’s penthouse, and at the bottom were three signatures, Josephine’s, Leliana’s and one he didn’t recognize.

He sighed and set the invitation on the side table, he’d deal with it tomorrow, right now he needed sleep, _lots of it._ He made his way to the bathroom and managed to not fall over from fatigue, he pulled his shirt off and shoes. He contemplated over whether or not to change out of his jeans, it was cold and sleeping in boxers didn’t really seem like the best idea at the moment.

Keeping his jeans on from what he told himself was fatigue and not just plain laziness, he climbed into bed and waited as he drifted off to the Fade.

He, fortunately, didn’t have any nightmares that night.


	8. The Wardens

_**Satinalia Eve** _

“And you’re sure it was one of them?”

“For the third time now, _yes._ I saw one of their agents! He even wore the jawbone around his neck.” Josephine spoke with her hands in an attempt to add emphasis.

“And you suspect that this man is an Agent of Fen’Harel, and they have some connection to the Red Templars?” Cullen asked Josephine as he rounded the table and stood next to Josephine.

Cullen watched as Leliana slowly made her way to the war table then back to him, she continued pacing until she spoke up again. Her brows were furrowed, and her left arm wrapped was around herself with the other resting atop it with her hand covering her mouth. Cullen could see that she was deep in thought.

“Not directly, no.” She moved back to the war table and leaned over the large table, a map of Orlais was projected onto its surface. There were two pyramid-shaped pieces placed on the table at specific areas, one near Val Royeaux and the other was on Montsimmard.

“These are the main areas where we suspect the Templars are.” She gestured to the two pieces on the table.

“Aren’t the Grey Wardens in Montsimmard?” Cullen questioned. “Can’t they do something about the Templars?”  

“I’m afraid not.” Leliana began. “The Wardens have disappearing these last few months. We’ve been trying to get in contact with them but none of our messages have been received or answered.”

“All but two.” Josephine chimed in, standing next to Leliana at the table.

“Who?” asked Cullen.

“Alistair and Eva Theirin.” Leliana and Josephine said in unison.

 _Alistair,_ Cullen remembered that name. They trained as Templars together, they were good friends too. One day a man showed up and said that he wanted Alistair to leave, Cullen assumed it was for the Wardens since he wore the sigil. The Chantry sisters disagreed at first but after a while they reluctantly let Alistair leave with Duncan.

_That wasn’t the last time Cullen saw Alistair._

Cullen glanced at Leliana and could see that the subject hurt her. He remembered that she and the two Wardens were very close to each other.

“Why don’t we go back to talking about the Templars?” Now those were words Cullen never thought he’d say.

“Good idea.” And with that, Leliana’s mask was back on. There was no hurt or regret, only concentration.

“See, in the past few months – and I think even before that – there have been a few Red Templars causing havoc and harming civilians around Orlais – Val Royeaux and Montsimmard specifically. They’re trying to get attention, it’s obvious.”

“Do we know why? Maybe there’s an explanation of some sorts? They can’t be doing this for no reason.” Cullen knew that he was starting to sound desperate, how couldn’t he? This was the Order he grew up in, where he spent his youth training and learning and befriending people only to see them turn into these _monsters_ that terrorized innocent people. He may not want anything to do with that life anymore, but it is still apart of him and there were times where he’d smile fondly on memories from that time in his life, and there were times when he wished the memories could vanish forever.

“We don’t, there are talks of an “Elder One” but that’s it. No–”

“Ahem.” Josephine cleared her throat from behind them, cutting Leliana off. They turned around to find her standing there with tinsel wrapped around her neck like a scarf. _Where did the tinsel come from?_ Cullen thought.

“Josie?” Leliana cocked a brow at the woman. “What is this?”

Cullen didn’t even know what to say.

“It’s Satinalia Eve, you two are standing here talking about terrorists.”

“You mean _working?_ ” A smile began to play on Leliana’s lips.

“The Templars rest as well, do they not? Come, let’s relax for once.” She took the tinsel from around her neck and wrapped it around Leliana’s

“She has a point.”

“What?!” Cullen spoke up and turned to Leliana. “The Templars are out the harming innocent people and we’re just going to _‘relax’?_ What if they come here? We won’t be prepared and we don’t have the strength to–”

“Calm down, Cullen” Leliana spoke in a cheery tone. “We’ll be alright, we know if they are near us.”

“How? How can you be so sure? They could trick o-or t-try…” He began stuttering and trailed off, leaning heavily on the table behind him. He felt a throbbing pain between his eyes and his head began to feel heavy.

“Cullen?” Josephine took slow steps towards him. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“Water, please.” He inhaled deeply and reached into his jean pocket, searching for something to hold, a phone, keys, anything.

He found the coin his brother gave him before he left for Templar training, he tried to think back to when it was given to him, to think of something calm. He just couldn’t, his head started hurting badly after Leliana said they needed a break, maybe they did though.

He hadn’t even noticed Josephine leaving, but she returned with a glass of water and what looked like an aspirin.

“Here, I brought you a painkiller as well. Do you need anything else?” She handed him the glass and the pill. He quickly downed the pill before answering her.

“No. No, I’m fine.”

“Are these the effects of your lyrium withdrawals?” Leliana asked him, but he knew that she knew they were.

“Yes, they’re usually not as bad. I don’t know what happened.”

They stood in silence, Cullen finished the water and set it on the table. Josephine paced and Leliana stood beside him, once he had set the glass down did she speak up again.

“Well now we _have_ to take a break.”

“Why don’t we make a stop at The Herald’s Rest? Perhaps a familiar setting will be comforting for you?” Josephine suggested.

“Yes, I think that would be nice.”

“Perfect! We can speak with Aedra about tomorrow as well. She’s still on her shift, yes?” Leliana questioned.

“Yes.” Cullen and Josephine said in unison. Josephine shot him a knowing grin, he avoided her gaze and felt his cheeks begin to heat up.

“Let us be off then.”


	9. The Party

* * *

**_Satinalia Day_ **

It snowed heavily that morning, leaving the ground completely covered and the temperature far more freezing than normal.

Cullen awoke without a headache that morning. After the minor panic attack he had at the Chantry the day before, Leliana gave him a bottle of some painkillers that she had in her purse. She said that they helped numb the pain far better than any others. He thanked her and, along with Josephine, they made their ways to The Herald’s Rest.

Aedra greeted them, seated them, and took their orders. While she was taking their orders, he glanced up at her, hoping to catch a small grin or smirk from her. He got something far more different.

Her eyes were bloodshot and hollow, she looked like she hadn’t been sleeping or as if she were crying as her nose was red as well. Maybe she was just sick? Or maybe something had happened? Should he ask or would it be too intrusive, considering the small amount of time they’ve known each other?

_He did ask her._

_When she left to make their drinks, he walked with her to the counter, sitting at one of the stools at the counter while they spoke._

_“Cullen, I’m fine. Go back to your talk with Josie and Leliana.” She smiled weakly at him, the sparkle that would normally appear in her eyes not there anymore._

_“Now I_ know _you’re not fine because you called me Cullen.”_

_“Cullen.” She sighed as she set a cup filled with tea down on a tray that was set on the counter._

_“Please.” He pleaded. “It’s horrible seeing you like this.”_

_She had her back to him and she didn’t answer._

_“Please. Just… don’t.” He heard her voice crack but as soon as she turned around, she looked fine._

_“Okay, I’m not getting through, I can see that. At least take my number? In case something happens.”_

_She opened her mouth to protest but he spoke first._

_“Please?” He pleaded. “For me.”_

_It took a few moments but she did eventually allow him to put his number into her phone while she brought the orders to Josephine and Leliana after setting the cappuccino he ordered down next to him._

He didn’t like thinking back to it, thinking back to the crack in her voice or that expression on her face. It was terrible seeing someone who jokes around and laughs as much as she does, so miserable and just _sad._ But then again, at least she had his phone number in case anything happened.

His phone buzzed on the nightstand and he reached towards the device but knocked it off and onto the floor, the sound causing him to wince.

“Wonderful. Happy Satinalia to me.” He sighed as he sat up in the bed, pushed the covers off himself, and reached over the side of the bed for the phone on the floor, still lying on his stomach. “Breaking my phone on–” As he turned the phone over he saw who was calling him.

He held his breath as he put it to his ear. “Hello?” He rasped. “Aedra?”

_Makers breath, why was his voice so croaky?_

_He just woke up, oh right._

“It’s too early isn’t it? I shouldn’t have called.” Her voice was soft and Cullen heard a heart monitor in the background. Was she in a hospital?

“Nonono, It’s alright. Are you okay? You sound like you’re in a hospital.”

“I am.”

_His heart felt as if it had just stopped._

“Would it… Would it be okay if I asked why? You’re not hurt, are you? Y-you don’t have to t-tell me.”

“I’m okay. It’s my…” He heard her take a deep breath over the phone. “My aunt, she… I don’t know what happened, she just–” She stopped talking and Cullen heard another voice, the doctor perhaps?

“Cullen, could you just hold on for a sec?”

The conversation started off as mumbles but ended in a muffled argument. He waited for a minute or two before she spoke again, her voice was shaky and he heard her sniff.

“Cullen, would it be okay if I asked you a favor? Y-you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Of course.”

“My battery’s almost dead… Could you call Leliana or Josie to pick me up, please?”

“What if I picked you up?”

_You did not just say that._

She was silent for a moment before answering.

“If you’re not busy, I’d really appreciate it.”

“I’ll be there in ten.”

“Thank you.”

He waited for her to kill the call first, he didn’t want to in case she needed something else.

He got out of the bed and readied himself to leave, calling Leliana on the way to tell her that he wouldn’t be available that morning.

* * *

The drive back was quiet, Cullen picked Aedra up at the Haven Medical Clinic and she asked him to drive her back to her apartment. She didn’t speak much after that.

When they were stopped in traffic or at a stop light, he glanced over at her. Her hair was down and disheveled, like she’d been sleeping. She wore no makeup and he could see dark circles under her eyes, similar to the day before. Her expression was emotionless, she kept her head forward and occasionally looked out the window next to her.

“They told me she had a epileptic seizure and that it was good that I called as soon as I suspected something abnormal. We were wrapping presents for the Satinalia party today, i-it happened so fast, the only thing I remember is calling the ambulance.” Her voice was a whisper and she kept her gaze on her lap. Cullen wanted to say something – to do something, but he kept quiet and only listened to her.

“She’s the only “family” I have. I grew up in an orphanage – hated it there, I never got along with the other children and would always get in trouble. One day this elven woman visits the place and all the kids get all dolled up so that she would take one glance at them and want them. I didn’t, thought it was stupid because it would mean she wanted you for your facade, not for _you_.” She stopped whispering and looked over at him, he quickly returned it while adding a small smile before looking back at the road ahead of him.

“There was this one girl – Rue I think her name was – that I just hated. She would preen herself herself in front of everyone, the sisters, other children. There was even a boy I think she liked, she all but threw herself at him.” She chuckled softly.

“Anyway, the elven woman went around the orphanage and met all the children, it was rather small and there were only about fifteen children there. She was personally introduced to every one of us, got to shake her hand and everything. When it came down to deciding who she’d adopt, everyone expected her to adopt Rue since she spoke to her most during her time there.”

“I’m guessing she didn’t pick Rue?” They were at a stop light so he draped his wrists over the steering wheel and looked over at her.

She glanced up at him from her lap for a moment before lowering it once more, a small, sad smile now gracing her lips.

“Oddly enough, no. She chose the child that was sarcastic and rude towards her, the one that refused to dress up and put up a facade.”

They were both silent, Cullen taking in what she had just said, and Aedra recalling that day.

“She’ll be okay.” He moved his hand to place it over hers on her lap, but thought it would be too forward so he ran his fingers through his hair.

The light turned green so Cullen began to move the car. They drove for awhile in silence before Aedra began to speak up again. She made little quips about the driving skills of both him and the other drivers on the road, Cullen even laughed at a few. They spoke about whatever came to mind, Cullen’s siblings, how Aedra used to camp, even about how the both of them met Leliana.

Cullen didn’t want it to end.

“Okay, this is me.” They arrived outside her apartment building. The snow had settled atop the hedges and grass outside the building, he remembered that the last time he was here he could still see a few patches of grass through the snow. It was actually quite magical seeing it like this.

She put her hand on the handle but paused just after opening the door.

“Thank you for this. Talking to you… it really helped.” She turned to him then towards the door but paused again and looked back at him.

“Josie invited you to the party tonight, right? I hope you’re coming.”

“I… I’ll be there.”

“I hope so.” They were both silent, Aedra stepped out of the car and closed the door.

“Oh, and Cullen?” The window was rolled down so she bent down to see him.

“Yes?”

“Happy Satinalia.”

He smiled at her and she returned it.

“Happy Satinalia.”

Cullen waved her goodbye as she closed the door to the building. Once she was inside, he drove off and made his way to the Chantry to see if Leliana had any Inquisition work for him.

* * *

Aedra arrived at Leliana’s penthouse about an hour before the party to help set up. She also called the hospital before leaving to see how her aunt was, they said that she okay and that Aedra could go see her when she had time.

Was it bad that she didn’t want to see her? She didn’t want to see all the needles in her and, no doubt, the many bottles of medication she had to take. Aedra didn’t want to see how pale she looked or how hollow her eyes were from the pills.

“Aedra?” Leliana walked up to Aedra from behind and put a hand on her shoulder. Aedra looked behind her then back in front of her at the garland that she was busy hanging over the fireplace mantel.

“Are you okay? You looked a bit…”

“Scattered? Confused?”

“Worried.”

“Oh. I suppose I am.” She toyed with the bright red tinsel in her hands as she spoke.

“Is something bothering you?”

_Should I tell her?_

“No… no, I’m fine.” She smiled weakly. “Just worried about tonight.”

Leliana raised a brow at her, as if she knew that she were hiding something. But she eventually left the subject and helped Aedra with putting up the finishing touches to the penthouse.

* * *

The party was nothing short of amazing. It was smaller than what Aedra expected but bigger than a simple celebration. There were close to twenty people so it wasn’t that crowded but there was a need to constantly socialize with guests and Aedra wasn’t in the best mood for that.

Luckily they were all understanding and she only had to use the “powder my nose” line once that night. She did keep her eye out for a specific person though, constantly checking the door every time it was opened and attempting to busy herself by talking with Josephine and Leliana.

“Waiting for someone?” Josephine questioned when she saw Aedra glancing at the entrance for what must have been the hundredth time that evening.

“Um… Yes. For Cullen. Do you know if he’s coming? Did he cancel?” She played with her phone in her hand, turning it over multiple times.

Josephine raised a knowing brow at her while Leliana giggled before excusing herself to speak with another guest.

“Cullen should be here, he texted me about an hour ago saying that he’s running late.” Josephine smiled warmly at her. “He should be here in a few minutes.”

“Okay, thank you.” She returned the smile.

“You two are getting very close.” Josephine pointed out.

“I suppose we are.” Aedra snickered.

* * *

Cullen texted Josephine as he got out of his car to inform her that he was there. Why did he have to fall asleep? If he hadn’t, he would have been on time and would have missed the road block and _wouldn’t_ have had to take the longer route.

**_(7:32 p.m.) You’re here? Oh wonderful! I’ll have someone meet you at the door._ **

_(7:32 p.m.) See you in a bit._

He made his way inside the building, once again greeted by the large chandelier hanging from the ceiling and the lobby that was far more elegant than anything he’d seen anywhere else. Cullen stepped inside the elevator and waited as it reached the floor of the penthouse.

Once he reached the floor, he made his way to the door of Leliana’s, he knocked and expected Josephine or Leliana to answer but they didn’t.

“Hey.” Aedra’s expression immediately lit up once she saw him, she opened the door and let him enter. 

They stood in the antechamber of the penthouse and Cullen could already see the elegance of it, he guessed that the rest of the penthouse looked the same. There was a set of double doors that Cullen assumed led into the main room, where the party was. 

It was rather dark, the only light source was a small lamp that sat atop an end table near the double doors. There were many painting on the walls, some looked Orlesian and some Ferelden. A large, deep brown rug was laid across the floor, and the floors were of a very dark wood that matched the double doors.

He took one last glance around the room before he looked to Aedra. _Maker, she was beautiful._

She had her hair half up half down with a few strands framing her face. She didn’t wear much makeup, only eyeliner and a very dark colour on her lips, Cullen couldn’t make out the colour.

She wore a knee high, black dress that was fitting at the waist then flared out slightly. The dress had a jewel neckline that was made from a very sheer fabric, without the sheer it just looked as if it had a sweetheart neckline.

“Um… Hi.” He swallowed and shot her an awkward grin.

“Can I take your jacket?”

“What?” She giggled and gestured to his dark leather jacket.

“Oh! Um… sure. Of course.” He shrugged off his jacket and handed it to her, he watched as she disappeared into a room on his left before returning to his side.

“Shall we?” She grinned at him and gestured to the doors.

“We shall.” He returned the grin with a smirk.

* * *

When the party had ended, Aedra stayed behind with Josephine and Leliana to help clean up, Cullen also stayed to help.

Aedra couldn’t help but steal glances at him when he wasn’t looking. He was attractive, she knew that from the moment she met him, but when she looked at him now she saw something more than that.

He wore a long sleeve button up shirt that was now rolled up to his elbows as he collected cups and bottles on the tables and counters. His hair was slightly curly at his neck and some strands at his hairline, it was actually rather adorable.

They were both in the kitchen and she collected plates at the kitchen island while he collected the cups from the counters. _It was very difficult to collect plates._

He glanced up at her and she felt as if her cheeks were set aflame. They locked eyes and she saw that his cheeks matched her, he only smirked at her before returning to cleaning up the cups.

What in the Makers name was _that_? And why did she get butterflies in her stomach when he smirked at her? That’s never happened before. 

She glanced at him one last time before returning to cleaning the counter, she searched the kitchen for a cloth to wipe down the counters since a bit of alcohol and food had been messed on them. She saw one at the sink right next to Cullen.

Makers breath, _why._

She made her way to the sink and with every step, her heart began to flutter and the butterflies in her stomach got worse. _Why was she acting like a teenager with her first crush? Was it the wine?_

She reached for the cloth but didn’t notice the hand already holding it, she grabbed Cullen’s hand and they partly laced fingers before Aedra froze on the spot.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Move! Let go of his hand, do something! Oh Creators, he’s looking at you now. Those eyes…_

He looked to her and looked just as shocked as she did before the smirk appeared on his lips again.

_Maker, those lips._

No!

He wasn’t moving either, was he just as shocked as she was? Did he enjoy this… like how she did?

He glanced at her lips then back at her eyes, she did the same and she saw him wet his lips as she bit hers. _Were they going to kiss? Was this a good idea? She wanted to kiss him so badly…_

He began to lean towards her and she did the same, she watched his quickly glance between her lips and eyes and he parted his lips slightly. Her eyes began to flutter closed when she felt his breath ghost over hers. _Maker, this was really happening._

“Ahem.” Leliana cleared her throat at the door of the kitchen, Aedra glanced at her before pulling away from Cullen. She was sure her face was bright red by now.

“I need Cullen to help me with a few boxes. If you don’t mind…?”

Cullen cleared his throat and brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck.

“Of course, I’ll… I’ll be right there.” He glanced back at Aedra and shot her a small smile before leaving with Leliana.

_Creators, she wanted to kiss him now._


	10. Amell

_**A month and a half later** _

After the Satinalia party, the month later seemed to pass by like a blur. Cullen had spent most of the month learning of the Templars and trying to figure out their motives, but he also spent the time thinking of what had happened at the party with Aedra.

He hadn’t stopped at the Herald’s Rest since the party, he was afraid to. Aedra hadn’t called or texted him so he just assumed the worst, that she didn’t want to talk to him.

Stupid! He knew that going in for the kiss would be too forward. He wanted to blame the wine, think that it was the reason he so desperately wanted to feel her lips on his, to hold her in his arms and feel her arms wrap around his waist. He watched her that night, her mind wasn’t there. _Still upset over her aunt_ , he thought.

Cullen was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice Leliana stepping into the room, rounding the war table, and greeting him.

“Cullen?” Cullen looked up at Leliana and she raised a curious brow at him.

“Where has your head been lately? I don’t know you as the type to get distracted.” she picked up a marker shaped like a pyramid from the table and turned it over in her hands.  

_Oh, I’m sure you know exactly what’s on my mind._

“I– uh…” he avoided eye contact with her as he tried to find the words. “Just thinking, planning. Can’t be too careful with the Templars, can we?”

He heard her chuckle and looked up at her to see an amused expression on her face. She knew, of course she knew – she was there, she saw what happened.

“Have you spoken with her since the party?”

“I haven’t.”

“You can’t avoid her forever, the two of you will need to speak about this.” she tittered. “Though considering how stubborn the two of you are, I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t speak for the next six months.”

“Please, the minimum would be at least a year.” He joked and heard her snicker.

A silence fell over them as Leliana contemplated her next words to him, Cullen simply looked over the map that was projected on the table in an attempt to find something that he had missed in the three hours that he had been staring at it.

“I don’t know if you care about her or not, but Aedra is a very good friend that I care about dearly – and so are you.” she began. “I’m not trying to set you two up, but I don’t think it would be the best idea given that you are a part of the Inquisition and she is just a civilian.”

“I know.” he sighed. He knew the regulations, the rules. “‘It is not recommended that spies of any title pursue a relationship with a civilian.’”

They fell into an uncomfortable silence after he had said the words, the both of them taking in what Cullen had just said.

“I know,” he repeated. “I thought about this before and… I want her to be safe, nothing will happen between us.”

He saw Leliana sigh in relief and almost felt angry about how she didn’t want them together. _Almost._

“I know it’s difficult, but it is what’s best for both of you.”

“Right, of course.”

He knew that is was, but why did he feel that it wasn’t?

* * *

_Why did she feel like that horrid phone was taunting her?_

It had been sitting in her backpack her entire shift – far away from her, yet she couldn’t seem to keep her mind off it. It just sat in her bag, taunting her.

It had only been a month since she’d last spoken to Cullen, it was hardly that long.

_Who was she kidding, it was agony._

Aedra kept thinking back to the moment after the party, was she too forward? Is that why he hadn’t stopped by or called in the last month? Maybe he feared she’d still be as much a mess as she was back at the party.

At least aunt Sol was healthy and safe, hearing about that a few days after Satinalia had made her the happiest she could be and at least helped her forget about how Cullen ignored her, for a few weeks.

She glanced at the watch on her wrist and felt relieved to see that it was 7 PM – she worked here with an odd, young boy named Cole, though he was a big help even if he was slightly odd, she still found the long hours of standing and smiling and greeting a very tiring task.

At least she had the weekend off… _a weekend she would spend staring at her phone like it was her source of life while waiting for something from Cullen._

She laughed softly to herself. A few months ago she couldn’t care less about relationships, she assumed she’d find someone at the right time and when she felt was right.

_She felt that now._

When the last customer had left, she began collecting the saucer and cup from their table and cleaning the surface of any spills or crumbs. She washed the dishes in the kitchen before switching the lights off and locking up for the night.

The evenings in Haven were still cold, but the snow was beginning to melt and the leaves were returning to the trees along with the flowers that were starting to bloom. While Aedra did hate that the snow was disappearing and the warmth would soon return, she did find this time of the year rather magical with all the flowers blooming and the colour returning to the trees.

Just as she began making her way to the train station, her phone began to buzz in her pocket. She almost dropped the phone from taking it out so quickly and butterflies began to form in her stomach, just like at the party.

“Cullen!”

“ _Not today, Songbird._ ”

“Oh.” she heard herself say. She heard Varric chuckle over the phone and felt a blush spread across her cheeks, this was definitely not the cold weather.

“ _Still not talking, huh?_ ” She heard him say, and heard another familiar voice in the background.

_Maybe she just needed to relax._

“Hey, today’s Thursday. You’re at that bar, downtown right? The Singing Maiden?” she bit the inside of her cheek as she waited for a response.

“ _With Tiny and Sparkler, yeah. Why, have you finally decided to come back to us and have drinks again?_ ” he joked and she rolled her eyes playfully.

“I’ll see you in 10, Varric.”   
  
“See you soon, Songbird.”

* * *

Cullen had spent the day discussing plans with Leliana, filing out spy reports on the whereabouts of the Templars, and plotting out areas for the Inquisition to send out spy posts to further examine the actions of the Templars – mostly to keep him mind off the conversation that he had with Leliana earlier.

She was right, it was wrong that they weren’t speaking – he wasn’t upset with her and he doubted that she was with him. Maybe it was just that one of them needed to make the first move, to get the conversation started. The longer he thought about calling her, the heavier his phone began to feel in his pocket. 

“Ah good, you’re still here!” He flinched at the sudden sound of Leliana’s voice. Maker, this woman was like a ghost.

“What do you need?” he turned to her and noticed that she looked far more tired than what she did that morning when they first spoke.

She didn’t answer immediately and he raised a suspicious brow at her. What was this woman up to?

She rounded the war table and slid a piece of paper she had come in with across the table to him. He glanced at her before looking down at the piece of paper in front of him. He read over the words – this was just a report of the Grey Wardens accepting their alliance, why did she give this to him? Could she not have just told him?

“I don’t understand, the Grey Wardens accepted? Couldn’t you just have told me?” he questioned and watched her expression carefully.

“Read the bottom part, where they plan on sending a Warden to assist with the alliance.”

He returned his gaze to the page and scanned for the paragraph. Nothing was out of the ordinary, it was ended off with thanks and regards, and a name…

He recognized that name, he made effort to forget that name. She was his best friend and eventually his lover, even though it was years ago, it still brought him pain to look upon it.

Worst of all, it was a name he had never expected to see again, a name he had never _wanted_ to see again.

“Rue Amell.”


	11. What's his job?

Maker, this wasn’t good. **  
**

Aedra sat at a booth with Varric and Bull, hunched over and giggling about something she mumbled to herself. She had showed up to the Singing Maiden only a half hour ago but she looked as if she’d been here for three, considering how drunk she was.

Varric listened to his friend as she slurred her words and smack Bull in the face due to her lack of coordination, it was a sad sight. Not the part where she slapped the qunari, no, that was hilarious.

He couldn’t help but wonder what had driven her to drink until she couldn’t see straight. Was it something with her aunt again? Maybe she was just stressed and needed to unwind? Maybe it was Cullen?

 _That_ was something that he couldn’t get out of his mind though, as he watched Aedra stumble over to the bartender in an attempt to flirt, he couldn’t help but wonder how long Cullen had been in town. How hadn’t he noticed? Haven was a rather large city but he should have crossed paths at least once.

Makers breath, you’d think he’d notice since he’s worked along  _spies_ for most of his adult life.

The disadvantage of being a dwarf.

Maybe something did happen between the two of them?

“Hey,” Bull’s voice snapped him from his thoughts. “I’ve gotta meet Dorian at the airport, think you’ll be alright with her?” He nodded his head towards Aedra, she sat on a barstool with her head on the counter. Asleep? The barman shaking her shoulder answered his question. Definitely asleep.

“I’d still be taking care of her even if you stayed,” he chuckled with the qunari.

“Bullshit! I carried her that one time,” Bull pointed out.

“And then you dropped her!”

A silence.

“Alright, you have a point, but I was drunk too. You can’t hold that against me if I had three shots of tequila and a bottle of rum,” he stood and rummaged in his pocket for money.

“Don’t worry, I got it,” Varric pulled out a few sovereigns and placed them next to Bull’s empty glass.

“I owe you one!” he called as he made his way out the door.

“Yeah, yeah,” Varric waved him off.

A giggle from the bar caught Varric’s attention. Makers breath, the woman fell off the bar stool – she was giggling like she was hysterical and everyone had their eyes on her. Varric quickly stood and made his way to Aedra, helping her back onto the stool. As soon as she was seated her head was on the counter once more.

Well shit.

* * *

“Hey Varric?” Aedra barely kept her eyes open.

He finally managed to get her awake long enough to get her to his car. Once they were both inside she became  _very_ chatty.

“Yeah Songbird?”

“You never told me how youuuuuuu met Cullen,” she stopped and repeated the last word. “ _Cu_ llen. Cu _ll_ en.  _Cullen_. Such a nice name.”

“We worked together, I guess you could say I helped out without actually being a part of–” he cut himself off. “The…  _business_ he worked at.”

She squinted at him, he knew that if she were sober she’d be raising a brow at him.

“What… does he do?” she asked.

“You’re asking a lot of questions for someone who downed a glass of 4:90 Black, not even an hour ago.”

“I’m  _seriousssss_ ,” she slurred. “What’s his job?”

“Songbird, you’re way too drunk to be having this conversation.”

“I-I think I’m catching feelings for a man and I don’t even know what job he has. That’s not fair,” she pouted and crossed her arms.

Varric sighed. She wouldn’t remember this in the morning, right? She’d probably think it was a dream, and at least he wouldn’t feel guilty and she would stop wondering… right? It was better for everyone if she knew.

“Uh… how do I explain this?” he mused. “Aedra, Cullen’s a spy for the Inquisition.”


End file.
